The destination of my dreams.


How to explain this sudden attempt to write something about where I want to go, I will at least try to. I would love to dive in to my head, in to my dreams, according to them, it's the utmost perfect place ever to be imagined, my own mind, suited to my own state of mind.

A place where i can walk for hours without getting tired, a place where i won't have to take other peoples meanings and lives into consideration in every move I make, and every word i say.

The simple explanation might be that, I have completely lost the sensation of time and space, and therefor, I ceased to exist. Why do i still then experience things?

Right, I don't even know why I'm writing here, just for fun i guess, making time fly by, making my life in general take a break, focus on something else than work and how miserable mankind is.

Life in general consists of finding the meaning of life, the meaning of life is to give life meaning, it's a simple line, a very simple one indeed, but then again, it means so much.

Anyway, going out now, work tomorrow, hmm.


Sayonara.

Woah! Screamfest was indeed a fest. Moonsorrow was actually the first band that i had the chance to see, because of some minor inconvenient stuff that happened the 7th i was thrown out, anyway, Moonsorrow on saturday was indeed awesome, good sound as well. I guess the band i was looking forward to the most, except for Immortal, which was canceled due to some fire alarms and stuff, was Borknagar, and indeed it was epic! Point being, I actually enjoyed this. Met Ben there as well, an old school "friend", which was kind of amusing ^^ .

Anyway, bottom line: Screamfest was awesome!

Oh then, those words, pronounced almost like.. Odin. get it? no, not at all, anyway, that doesn't make sense in a word without sense, depends how you look upon it, the world i mean, the small things, like coffee, chocolate, beer and other fine things, which indeed costs shit loads of money, really do satisfy me, in some kind of way, even though if its for some short period of time it's pretty ok, since i have this feeling of being, satisfied. Oh, on to something else, I'm headed to Oslo, next weekend, screamfest!! Can't wait to see Immortal, Sodom, Candlemass, Borknagar, Moonsorrow, and all those other bands whom i don't care about mentioning because if you were really interested you would have googled "screamfest" found the homepage and indeed had a look at the lineup for that festival! point being, I am looking forward to it.
Oh, i almost forgot, I also started reading the second book, the follow up of the book Bitterwood, which i must say, really is amusing, because, I say so, and because it's different, it's not like, normal fantasy books, its more like, something else, but it's still fantasy, which reminds me of all the books i've read written by Steven Brust, which is also, one of my favorite authors. Back to the book, Dragonforge, i recommend it.

This other book i've read, called, The Name Of The Wind, it's perfect, flawless, some emerald gem hidden among corpses, If you don't buy it and read it, your an Idiot, yes, and idiot.

There, Hi again, a small update, since last time, i have moved out of the house, moved into a flat with my dad, and now im packing down my computer and will have it thrown up there, just to have something to play with in the meantime, while i wait for my internet connection to be established again.

And now i can't wait to get my paycheck, delightful.. Was thinking about buying a marshall guitar amp. 100W.. mm.. 5000 Nok. well, i also want a gibson lespaul Gothic II aswell, which costs 10000 NOK. And im going to screamfest in three weeks, i need the money i guess, ill get the amp this month, perhaps, and the guitar next month, perhaps..

Anyway, packing down my computer now, and getting it moved up to the flat.

Sincerely mine.
Dani.

The first chapter of - Me.


Well, what should i tell you about myself, or should i say anything at all, because if i do, you might sit there with the thought ; "What is wrong with him?", or you might just leave be the fact that i might be slightly different than yourself.

Welcome to my wretched world, how i see things, how the voices inside my head speak to me, how the world is comprehended through my own mind, how I find that humanity is most disturbing in general.

Welcome to my own parallel universe.

Anyway, last time i wrote, was half a year ago, approx, I'm now, single, employed, back at home and just as miserable as i used to be.
That's about it.

   

i update this blog/thing, I'm moving home in the end of june/beginning of july .
And now to other things, i fucked up on my exam, i really did, i'll just have to redo it some day if i get a 1 = fail.
Nynorsk exam on monday, and math exam on tuesday, just hoping to pass :D

Feels like I'm standing on the edge of something, that might kill me, or just save me. The problem is, i can't see the difference, and i can't make a choice.

Sometimes it just feels like this.

time to write something about something weird. Savvy?
First of all, why are you recognized as an adult when your 18 in Norway, and not 16?
The things i have been thinking on a lot, is this, you have to pay adult tickets on train, boat, bus and airplane after you have turned 16, but you still can not buy alcohol or cigarettes, what the fuck? I am completely sick of this society, if you pay adult tickets, everywhere you should be able to buy things that only adults can, your not a child anymore, or are you?

Bah, just to make this clear, I am personally 18 years old, ill turn 19 this year, but this thing has been on my mind for about 3 years. : )

Fuck democracy, fuck communism, fuck fascism, fuck capitalism, fuck Nazism, fuck pain, fuck joy, fuck sleep, fuck insomnia, fuck you, fuck airplanes, fuck cheese, fuck food, fuck water, fuck angels, fuck demons, fuck conservatism, fuck liberalism, fuck Christianity, fuck satanism, fuck George W. Bush, fuck terrorism, fuck war on terrorism, fuck Muslims, fuck Jews, Fuck Christians, Fuck satanists.

At last. Fuck relationship, and fuck off.

I like to call it Yule, the way its supposed to be called, they way the old people called it before Christianity invaded our countries.

Anyways, got a new cellular phone, a Nokia E65 , it works perfectly. just need a stereo adapter thing, and such, so i can use my non-existing headset on it, because i gave a part of my headset to my girlfriend who accidentally dropped her headset to the floor. So i gave her mine yes.

Anyways, ill just find something i can use meanwhile, like a mono headset from Nokia.. Damn what am i supposed to do.. well i guess its possible to listen to music.. i just hope so.

Anyways. its almost 12 , so ill have to go to bed. First day at school tomorrow, ill get my math test back. Cant wait :D (Irony)

Night

Well, yes, now I'm leaving. getting in a car in about 15 minutes. so..
Yule at my dads. Midtvintersblot..
So great.
I hope i get a new cell phone. The one i have at the moment is totally fucked, doesn't turn it's screen on, cut the calls i receive from the phone network. and many other things. anyways have to go now.

Merry Christmas/Yule/whatever you call it.
And a happy new year.

Going to have my test in about 40 minutes. History, how hard can it be? It's about World War 1, and the time after. what it lead too.
Ill go buy a coffee before it starts.. and then walk up to the class room.

Wish myself luck yes.

And of course i fall asleep..

Damn I'm so fucked up right now. Haven't slept or anything.. and i cant sleep now. then ill get "late" for school :P

Some years have passed, actually 18 years since i was born. Never asked for it though.. But i guess I'm quite pleased with my life, I won't say I'm happy, because how can anyone actually be happy?
Well never mind that, my girlfriend slept over tonight, made me most pleased, and watched this movie; Hairspray, oh my how hilarious, picture yourself John Travolta in a 150 kg womans outfit dancing! its great! sort of, and on the other hand quite.. disturbing.

Movies to watch; When Nietzsche wept, Sweeney Todd, Death at a funeral and again, Little miss sunshine.

It's been a bad day, please don't take a picture. Well it has, but not as bad as it could have been, I just feel bad i guess, was a pretty much OK day.

I went into the city, for.. what i don't know, i forgot as i arrived, but i bought #6 of Full Metal Alchemist, and of course.. I'll have to sit down and read my mangas.
Yes! Now i know, i wanted to buy a t.-sihirt or a longsleeve or something, and i wanted to buy some material, cotton cloth pieces, some tipp-ex, and some sewing equipment. I want to make my own god damn clothes! You see.. Clothes nowadays are just plain shit, no one actually can make clothes the way i want them.. they are to fucking boring and dull.. i want great clothes god damnit! Great ones!

Good night

Why do i feel so god damn depressed? why do i have the urge of just giving up, theres no augment joy in living anymore.
The life i have is falling apart, kept together by a little heart, starts to crumble as i write, people who think, cannot be happy, but pleased and comfortable, but never happy. I hate this world, and almost everything in it.

Damn you to death you incompetent little shit!

*worst*

I don't feel like doing anything today, tomorrow, the rest of my life, depressed might be the word, shaking inside, confused and it hurts. Empty shell, guts and bones, muscles and tissue, nothing but a waste of flesh.

*almost as bad but better*
Useless and meaningless, just a mind to play with, and for making it a tool for the masses.
Making me smarter, wiser and more adapt to the polluted air, how great, the people just want to use me as a tool for tomorrow, a tool for being able to survive, trying to make up new inventions, trying to make the human race able to adapt to mother earth. How contradicting.

*better*
Imagine, humans are mass produced, and taught, all the basic knowledge about how to write and how to read, simple math and that's all they need?
They don't need math, nor do they have to read or write to learn something, some people were masters in their profession, not because they could read, but because they practiced and learned themselves some new things at the same time.

*feel even worse*

Trying to breed more of these pathetic human beings to this world, should be a crime, most of them are not capable of living on, they are just less than nothing, the worst there are, the dumb and ignorant, the blind and deaf.
The ones that don't do anything to prevent anything, they who stand and watch other people get harassed, they who watch people get murdered in front of their face, and then there is the ones that give up hope of a new world, the likes of me.

*better*
I am not blind nor deaf, I wont stand and watch or participate, it disgusts me.
Were do we belong, and why are we here, these are two of the questions that needs to be answered.
*bad again*
Not that no one cares what i mean, I'm just a tool, nothing, a meaningless piece of junk.

Damn, I really have some issues going on in my head, quarrels, about what to write and what not to, problems with the term decision, teacher, work, sleep, deadline, absolutely everything I do not want to think about, I want to be alone, privacy, all alone, forest, snow, grandmother.

I want to go to my grandmothers house, yes I do, she's so.. old, friendly and cosy, any way, this is not about my grandmother or my problems with the terms of such, the problem is I have to write a stupid written task for my Norwegian class about Soga om Gunnlaug Ormstunge, a old norse text of course, and here I sit and think, at least I try to, and all I can think of actually is the.. well nothing at all, I'm just sitting here, I just started writing this nonsense.

Problems, yes, the text, I think I just figured out how I'm supposed to be able to finish my work now, thanks. No problem, I'm here for you you know, yes. I do.